Why on earth would i agree to a child free wedding reddit

I had a child free wedding two years ago and I had two people in our bridal party who were parents to young children and I just included them as they were apart of the bridal party so they could get that extended invite. Editing again: OBVIOUSLY not everyone who has a child-free wedding hates kids 🙂 ffs. Make it known early. He'll be almost 5 by the wedding day. ) Jan 7, 2024 · People Are Applauding This Bride For Sticking To Her "No Kids" Rule At Her Wedding, Despite Her Angry Family Member's Refusal To Attend. You don’t want other people’s children ruining your special day, especially if you know that some of them will cause trouble. Everyone who wants a child free wedding is an AH, and I never go to child free weddings. ADMIN MOD. After I had a kid, those suspicions were confirmed: My son is a noisy, messy Unfortunately some people will have to miss out. Your wedding, your choice. I find that child-free wedding receptions are generally a) not a party I want my kid at and b) not one I necessarily want to attend either, because that's not behavior I want to share with my elders. Hard agree. Me (adult, M), and my fiancée (adult, F) are due to get married in December. She decided that children are not allowed under any circumstances. “The kid’s at my wedding kept messing with the DJ gear and our wedding decor. My friend was a bridesmaid for me. They specified in their wedding invitations that “Although we love children, we want this wedding to be adult-only. If they won't come cos you won't let them bring their kids then don't come. Why on earth would I agree to a child-free wedding? #fbreels #redditstoryteller #reels2023 #reelsfb #reelsviral #redditstorytime #redditreadings #redditposts #redditmemes #reddit #parkour #minecraft We sent out invitations with a note politely explaining that our wedding would be child-free and hoped everyone would understand. We’re having a child free wedding, but many of the kids in our circle only eat beige foods - chicken nuggets, bread, etc and I would rather pay less for the child meal than pay $150pp for the regular meal for kids You are having a child free event. . They might not want or be able to leave their child so understand that they might not attend otherwise. Child free wedding, first I don’t even think this needs to be said. She called me immediately after receiving the invitation and said it would be impossible for her For child-free wedding So, my fiancé and I are planning a wedding in the next couple of months (signing contract with venue at the end of the week). My fiancé and I have just secured our wedding venue and date and we have 2 years to plan. r/AmItheAsshole. Josh has two kids aged 5 (twins) and he has made many comments that we are selfish for having a child-free wedding and that if we aren't inviting his kids, he is not going. My FH’s brother and sister-in-law have a 2 year old. It's totally fine to have a child free wedding. ” Which I fully agree with. -3. A woman on Reddit has been supported for choosing to have a child-free wedding after various friends complained. Aug 21, 2017 · Ultimately, the decision to hold a childfree wedding is your own. What made it super easy was that I was married in a city owned historical mansion, and their policy was that weddings be child free except for those in the wedding, and they limited it to two children. Start a tradition of a family reunion picnic at another time for everyone to attend and have the child free wedding you and fiancé want. 25 people makes an excellent wedding that will allow you talk with and spend time with each of your guests vs a handshake down a receiving line. Don’t do it. I don't think you should bring the baby. Well, that's still not enough for some people. I questioned my mother about this and she flat out said "Well, you’re not invited to wedding of course". bridesmaid and 8 at the time. The issue isn’t with the rule-the issue is that the invitation originally came with two tickets and we didn’t think much of it because he’s not a child so why wouldn’t he be invited. I was talking with some planners about reasons they’ve been told it’s such a sensitive topic and the answers were varied. She gave my husband (her brother) a head's up last night that the event will be child-free. Most of the concerns I see with kids at weddings apply more to drunk people than to children, yet I don’t see hardly anyone Personally, I agree with OP and I don't want people in my life who don't want to engage with children (or older people, or disabled people, or people with a uetrus etc). Relationships/Family. I love kids but there is a time and place for them, weddings are not one of them. 2K views, 17 likes, 24 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Reels from Reddit Sagas: Why on earth would I agree to a child-free wedding? #fbreels #redditstoryteller #reels2023 #reelsfb #reelsviral Feb 24, 2020 · Looking back, the most important part of that wedding was love. According to most wedding etiquette, it is considered rude to use the exact phrasing of "adult only" or "no children" Our concern is that, without explicitly saying "NO KIDS" and just relying on "John and Jane Smith are cordially invited" people will assume it is a blanket family invitation because those sorts of "rules" have become antiquated. Book the nanny. Literally what the title says. I get that a lot of people choose not to have anyone else look after their child for some time after birth, but it's doable. It doesn't make you an AH. I’ve only been to two weddings and both times someone brought their baby who decided to cry during the vow exchange. I'm currently nursing a six month old and have a two year old. 147K subscribers in the wedding community. I used to be all for child-free weddings. All throughout the pregnancy they have seemingly been fine that the baby not attend the wedding. Majority of my cousins who have children know that our wedding is child free and they were all excited to have a night off. Unless my cousin, who had a child-free wedding because she hates kids, is a f*****g unicorn. You’ll want to give your friends with kids plenty of advance notice of your child-free wedding policy. Child-free weddings have always been a thing in my circle. Also, I don't believe my caterer does kids meals, and I don't want to pay full price for a kid who won't eat much or like the food. Child free weddings are completely acceptable and common. She also warned me that she apparently had a headache However, my future mother in law is adamant on inviting children while we both want it to be 18+. But usually there is a reason it is child-free. I had a child free wedding, except for the 5 year old ring bearer (my nephew) and the 8 year old flower girl (my husband’s niece). Children-at-Weddings Debate: SO UNFAIR! DISCUSSION. Now my future mother in law is angrily texting me telling Wedding dance routine ruined by child. But I suggested it was better to be transparent about reasoning. I was upset with this for many reasons, which I will list. If you have a child free wedding, you stay consistent and don’t have loopholes for family or wedding party children without offending people beyond what they Why on earth would i agree to a child-free wedding are you insane? Nowhere did I say it wasn’t acceptable to be child free, and nowhere did I say I’d insist on having my kids at a wedding. My sister did a child free wedding except for her flower girl and flower girl’s sister. Most people don’t want to party with children; it ruins the vibe. Future BIL upset about child-free wedding. Either stick to your guns or let everyone bring their kids. So yeah, you're free to have a picture-perfect, child-free wedding; and I'm free to think less of you for it. Doesn't mean there won't be some fallout and hurt feelings. I 100% agree a wedding is to bring a family together etc. Also, 25 marrying a 44 yo is a red flag. So, I'm sure she's hoping all 175 "dedicated" followers will give her a hand in improving her ratings, but little does she know I've got the best child-free community behind me! Alas, after speaking to many close friends, and the outpouring of support from you all, I am relieved to be free of that negative friendship. I just found out today that she will be in the country the same week as my wedding anyway. It may help navigate the waters if you opt for a child-free wedding and understand that the feelings run deep. In the comments, they detail that any wedding that didn't allow kids they simply wouldn't go to because they "couldn't imagine leaving their baby" AITA for having a child free wedding. ”. Weddings reflect the desires and personalities of the couple. The little ones are not. Not budging on the child-free wedding. I wouldn’t dream of it. We plan on having a child free wedding so we only addressed the invites to the adults. We decided from the start that we didn't want kids at it. If you want a child-free wedding, have a child-free wedding. They stayed to ‘hear’ the vows. Which, honestly, I love and agree with; it's a night wedding (ceremony is at 5, cocktail hour is 6-7, dinner is at However, that's not the only reason people have child free weddings--most of the time, it's because kids can be distracting or misbehave. On the invitation we put "Please join us for an adults only ceremony and reception. This is your wedding, not your Mom’s or anyone else’s aside from you and your fiancé. JFC that is your own child. They swiped frosting off our cake before we cut it and cried during the reception. It's completely ok, we had a child-free wedding and like 70% of our guests had kids of varying ages. I invited her mum and she RSVPd back for her mum and her brother?! Yep, can testify to that. Our RSVP method is online and will only show the names of the adults invited. When Josh got married 7 years ago, he and his wife also had a child-free wedding. In the past we were discussing having an elopement to make it a more personal event. She has a toddler and we informed her that we would love for her to come but it will be a child free event. Our wedding was child-free, but it was a "micro wedding" and there were really no accommodations in place to take care of kids. A wedding is stataing your vows before the entire community, and if your community doesn’t include children, you’re an AH. Open menu Open navigation Open navigation The last wedding we were at - every single child that was present at the ceremony had a tablet and was on it all through dinner. Educational_Ebb7175. NTA but unsure why you said a wedding has to be 200 people. Unless we like you and really want you to show up. Kids are cry. First of all, you’ll want to make it clear on your wedding website. I love kids and my wedding was child-free (although it wasn't an issue for us because no one had young kids). "She called me pleading to make an exception for her kids Also, having a bunch of kids reduces the likelihood of disruptions. The entitlement is unreal. People are free to decline if it bothers them. Went to one friend’s wedding where a baby HOWLED through the vows. Entitled couple also did a burn out in their car as they were leaving; class act at every turn 🤦‍♀️ I can't trust a cousin's date to not ignore their child shrieking during the ceremony, and I don't see why inviting children I actually know (probably only for the ceremony and part of the reception) should mean I have to allow kids I barely know or have never even met, especially as I wouldn't want a giant wedding with a bunch of strangers there. When I was a child I hated going to weddings. Don't add more stress to yourself. Even after being removed from the church, we could still hear them wailing in the background. My partner and I are in the process of planning out wedding for early next year. They still are in my opinion but at least adults can handle boredom better than children, most can anyway. What I never understood was why 12 would be upset at not being a flower girl when she has aged out. Bride needs to give her the options. She called me two weeks ago after they got done recording an episode to give me a warning that it was about my child-free wedding. I think if you’re adamant on no kids then stick to it but be gracious if that means your friend has to bow out of the wedding party. Additionally, you’ll need to be ready to graciously handle guests who assume they’ll be able to bring their kids. 47 votes, 77 comments. Use the savings for your honeymoon. Family drama over child-free wedding. We told our family and friends when we sent out STDs in October. Since the wedding is during the day, it's not like your nieces and nephews will be at home overnight without their parents. It's completely up to you - just expect that the child may cry during the ceremony. Looks like you made the right choice - congrats on the wedding and glad it worked out. child free wedding. Here's the rub: I just spent about $1K on travel to join her posse (about 5 Because 3 months is not a toddler, that’s a newborn. Child-free vs children attended weddings are vastly different events with different accommodations needed, extra entertainment, extra food options, etc. Alright so I just got engaged and my fiancé and I don’t want any kids, and we especially don’t want any kids at our wedding. I already think people use “childfree” too much when they just mean that they’re applying an age cut off, but it’s just condescending to apply an age cut off for adults and then sell that as “childfree. To make things worse. Only one person tried to push us on it and she just ended up not coming. But then I invited my 12-year-old to be the flower girl. And I'm starting to feel really bad. If someone is really unable to make it, and I was having a child-free wedding, I would totally understand and not expect them to come if they couldn't afford to have a sitter or had no one to watch their kids. yet why should I spend additional hundreds of dollars on distant cousins I have never met for our wedding. While my own wedding was not child free I prefer child free weddings because kids require a lot of attention and not having them there allows the guests to really be more in the moment. 1. I also don't want infants because I don't want there to be screaming Maybe she'll get invited to the next wedding if her behavior actually improves. So a friend of mine has a podcast that's all about being a mom, it's her little "side project" that she has with a friend. We have 3 cousins who are/will be under the age of 18 at the time of the wedding (16F, 11M and 7M - 16 and 11 are siblings, 7 is an only child) along with friends and further extended family who have children. She is trying to delay things so you are “forced” to allow the kids to the reception. Her reasons that we shouldn't have a child free wedding are It's stupid It's excluding family members (she didn't even ask if we had accommodations, I was going to try and figure something out but no one had asked yet) I had some interesting feedback about child free weddings. A family friend has generously offered to host it at his beautiful house. Award. . They were boring. If thr nephew is a ring bearer and the niece is a flower girl then you can still say no children outside of the wedding party and both be happy. Jan 24, 2023 · By Leonie Helm. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I feel like I'm the asshole because I am excluding my other nieces and nephews. With 8 month old that can be very fun. A place for brides, grooms, friends, and family to discuss and share their wedding plans, ideas, and… A day before the wedding, I caught wind of family members planning to bring kids to the ceremony and then drive them home afterwards. Before I had a kid, I thought all children were noisy, messy, smelly, thoughtless poop machines. In a post to the AmItheA****** subreddit, user One of the main reasons my sister’s wedding was child free is because she wanted an open bar and the venue charged the same amount per person regardless of age. •. So a good friend of mine is getting married in May and she's sent invitations out. My FH and I are having a child-free wedding. The problem is, we both have siblings who have each have like 2-3 kids, we both love our nieces and nephews and don’t want to exclude them from coming especially if we want them in They both have great jobs and are planning to buy a house and new car after the wedding. Reply. You are free to do what you want. It might mean your wedding is imperfect and messy, but so is marriage. Bringing the children to the reception is not a choice. Sep 15, 2023 · “If I could have a re-do wedding, I’d have a child-free wedding,” another admitted. But those rules can be amended for your teenage-will-be-an-adult-in-a-few-years child. Both asked and we were fine with it. If you go this route, you’ll need to diplomatically communicate your intentions in your invitations and stand unwaveringly by your decision. We did have at least two couples bring their babies though. I never took my littles to a wedding, only after primary school and if they knew the couple and wanted to go. We said no. Child Free Wedding Invitations. Most of our guests were supportive, but my sister-in-law (SIL), who has three kids under the age of 10, was not happy. We come from large families, so there will be over 100 people, but we’re essentially having a huge party to celebrate us and our 14 year anniversary together. She sent a note with each invite to the families with children, saying that it was a child free wedding and that parents are welcome to enjoy a child free date night! No one complained that the flower girl was in the wedding, no one cared. You don’t want to be stressed out at your own wedding guyfromcleveland. “It feels like a way the bride and groom tell Anyway, a month before the wedding after the baby is born the in laws call us and demand that the baby be allowed to attend the wedding because they want to show off their first grandchild. I staunchly want it to be a child-free and baby-free event, but my fiancée isn't quite as strict as me. Bride was nice to say yes, but YWBTA if you went through with it. Hey fellow adults of Reddit, I just wanted your take on my views on having a child free wedding, as it is causing a bit of friction. They were fine for the ceremony and it was nice to have them in the family photos, but during the reception they were running, screaming, sliding across the dance floor, playing tag, etc. After several complaints from family members, we decided to open it up to children over 13. I have no problem with other people having kids or that my cousin wants his wedding child-free. "If 13 year old Timmy can go, why can't my 10 year old Suzie go" bla bla bla. My fiancé and I were planning to have a completely childfree wedding. 34. I have a counter- Reddit cultural take on child free weddings. Seeing that only two of our guests had young children, it wasn't a big ask to request that kids stay at home. Cool. OP wants a child free wedding. Find a sitter and have a child free wedding. It's inevitable that they will not be everyone's idea of a good time. The last wedding I attended was child free except for the bride and grooms 5 nephews and 1 niece, ages 4-10, that were all included in the wedding party. Plus, you admit that the children in attendance did end up disrupting the event, which is the main reason most opt to have a CF wedding in the first place. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Edit for clarification: NO SHADE to people who choose to have child-free NTA, it’s your and your fiancés wedding and a very special day for both of you. jrm1102. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Luckily we booked at an outdoor estate for our ceremony and reception so they can go burn off some energy. Our wedding was mostly child free because we didn't have any close friends or family with older kids. Was at a wedding and a group of the grooms friends tried to surprise the groom with a dance routine on the dance floor in front of the groom and bride. It cost enough money! Kids are a distraction at a wedding. Or at minimum have the kids be like 12+ so they’re old enough to know when to sit and be quiet. We of course say no. The teenagers are allowed to come to the wedding. So now I’m sitting here baffled why We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. I agree with you that traditional etiquette would mandate finding a less-direct way to explain the child-free reception besides just putting it on the invitation, but I still think it's a good idea, for 2 reasons: 1. I asked why I wasn’t invited and she said how they wanted a child free wedding and did not want any children there. Child free wedding but am giving an exception to my upcoming nephew (eeeek!) who will be 4 weeks old and now I think we’ll also let my bridesmaid’s 6mo come as he’ll still be breastfeeding. The knock-on effect was a catastrophic falling out with my family who acted responsibility and didn't bring their child of a similar age. Emotional_Bonus_934. Reply reply. I can understand his perspective but I think he's not making any effort to understand ours. It would have never crossed my mind to let them run amuck. Otherwise we don't want your kids here. Breathe it in with me: love. From my memory of their other Facebook posts, they barred kids from their wedding but insists on bringing their less than a year old to others' weddings. I think child-free weddings are a better experience for everyone, the kids included. 8 month old babies don't belong to a wedding and it's very likely that your baby will end up interrupting the wedding. SeriousSea • 5 yr. Child-free weddings are popular for a reason, kids are disruptive by nature and it completely changes the dynamic. So far only wedding I’ve ever been to with children was back in the 90s, and I was one of the kids. Freaking YIKES! 😬 Yeah, this is why I want a child free wedding too. You can decline it for any reason. Say “Sorry our wedding is child free. Comments. I always took child free literally lol. My fiancé and I are having a somewhat unconventional wedding. I said we can have a mainly child-free wedding, but with this one exception, an expectation that guests can't even complain about being unfair since the only child is the son of the groom. I wouldn't attend a wedding that was "kid free" and would rethink that relationship. A wedding invitation is just that: an invitation. She is even going to push for that after the pics are done, so you may want to rethink having them there for that. Honestly, a three month old child could stay with family for a 1-2 hour-long wedding ceremony. But a child kept running into their dance routine trying to dance with them making them mess up multiple times. Our wedding is also local and I know our families have glimpseeowyn. Firstly, that would mean family members missing a huge part of my reception (the whole wedding was only 5 hours! 11am to 4pm. It's not like he's three and going to be pitching a fit all over the place. Life Reporter. For us it was a child-free wedding because all my cousins have teenagers and if we let everyone take their kids we would have never been able to have the venue we did and the cost would have been about double. 2. Aug 18, 2020 · 1. I have not met many of his extended family who have children. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. No one but the parents could understand why they didn’t remove it immediately. Nothing like playing favorites in the most obvious way. We understand if you cannot attend as a result”. If your community doesn't include any children, fine, but if you have to deliberately exclude them, then you're being self-centred and juvenile. Another friend with a new born went to a child free wedding shortly after giving birth. Like you, I probably wouldn't go to a wedding without the six month old. My wedding is coming up at the end of September, and I would love a child-free wedding but - like you - almost all our peers have young kids so it seems impossible. She has 4 kids ranging from 2 to 17. It only said my parents and 3 other siblings names. Buying plane tickets from England to this country for a wedding that your kids can’t go to makes sense. *She also doesn’t like kids anyway, so that was another reason lol. Their headcount is ~75 people and our son is the only grandkid on both sides, so in this case "child-free" really means he isn't invited. Child-free weddings are great. Why on earth would i agree to a child-free wedding are you insane? I haven’t heard of wedding party being an exception to child free weddings but I also didn’t know that newborns were an exception either. But if you bend to your friend guess how many people will be enraged that you let an INFANT come and they left their kids at home. Parents should leave their children home both because children interrupt things and because it's boring for the children. Turns out the no child rule involves anyone under the age of 18 and we found out when my son brought up the wedding during a family dinner and both my SIL It's only now, a little less than two months away from the wedding, that she decided to pick a fight while at work. But some people DO hate kids and DO choose to have child-free weddings for that reason. Make clearly communicating that your wedding will be child-free a big part of your guest communication plan. A 6-year-old is not going to realize or care she's being excluded from a wedding she isn't invited to; set her up with a fun babysitter and she'll have a better evening than she would sitting through an hour-long ceremony. We are paying for our wedding on our own, and while we tried to accommodate for all the non negotiable family that 'needed' to be there to preserve family relationships, we decided to have a child free wedding as the count would have easily doubled and we don't have the budget for that. We are having a totally child free wedding. We had an entitled couple attend our child-free ceremony with their child. I understand wanting a childfree wedding; I would have one. Send the invitation and have a small and much less expensive wedding. There are many posts in this subreddit about couples having difficulties managing the expectations and hopes and thoughts of their family members and friends (or even strangers). You can tell the dancers were frustrated They announced the date to our family and shortly after said it would be an 18+ wedding, effectively child-free. I wouldn’t want to wrangle them and keep them under control, they would be grumpy and so would I. If you both agree you only want immediate family children there, then do that. The issue arises when we spoke to my soon to be SIL. Either way the answer will kind of depend on context and how important it is that their parents be there with you. I didn’t say anyone could demand their kids there either. Kids at weddings play with the other kids, of course if there’s only 1 or 2 under 18 at a wedding they will be more likely to cause a disruption. 19 times out of 20 the children don't know the people getting married and are only there because their parents do. Yes! Calling the wedding “childfree” when you’re excluding adults is so much more insulting too. We first clashed over the dinner. We had a no kids policy (18+) at our wedding which made sense cause in our case, inviting kids would've increased the guest list of 150 by another 60 people! Ok, the real thing: Why child-free weddings are totally insulting. So just because OOP says "we have more room", it wouldn't be strange for Julie to assume that kids still weren't invited. These ages fit comfortably within “babes in arms” so I don’t think there will be any issues with our other friends who will all have 2-3yos. DragonMasterBrady. Skip to main content. " It was on the invitation, the wedding website, everywhere it could be. And I did say that this would be a child free wedding. She started calling me controlling by giving me an ultimatum and said I had initially agreed to a child-free wedding and now im “gaslighting” her. true. When I got married no one asked to bring their kids cos that wasn't done. ) Not all wedding invitees even look at the wedding site. They asked us if we could make an exception because their family. Thinking on guests, we’ve always been set on a child free wedding with the exception of my fiancés younger cousins who will be 12 and 15 at the time, and my best friends daughter who will be a jr. By open-heartedly embracing the tiny human who had only recently joined our family—this noisy, messy, smelly, thoughtless poop machine—those friends opened their hearts to our friendship, to their entire community and to the whole reason we were there in the first place. ago. Kinda pointless to pay for alcohol for kids who can’t even drink it. They could easily set up a play date with some friends for their kids with minimal effort. Then you don't have to worry about upsetting other people who may want to bring their kids by saying you are only allowing certain kids. That no one could hear over the crying baby. I am opting for a child free wedding! Mostly because I have been to weddings where children have misbehaved/been disruptive. Then I had a kid… by Karen Pinchin Updated Sep 20, 2016.